Every band has a back story ? you know that part of ?Behind the Music? where Motley Crue brags about hosing all kinds of scags and ingesting tons of drugs in an effort to create the scumbag rep they needed to sell more albums, concert tickets and copies of “Dirt.” Speaking of which, can you believe they are going to make a feature film out of thatbook? Word is that they are looking for unknowns to play the parts of Nikki, Tommy, Mick and Vince. Wow, now there’s an acting gig that just screams star vehicle. But enough about those hacks. What you are going to have to do when creating your fake band’s back story is dig deep and really come up with something that will capture your audience?s attention. Think about where your band?s members came from and what experiences helped them become the band they are now. Were they in previous bands? Did they escape from prison? Do they have any brain cells left? Are they hermaphrodites? These are all questions you should consider when creating your band?s bio. One trick is to take elements of real band?s back stories (i.e. Jimmy Page?s interest in Aleister Crowley, Ian MacKaye’s hardcore straight-edge DIY aesthetic, G.G. Allin?s hotdog and banana antics and Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P.’s obsession with exploding codpieces) and mix them all up into a fine stew that produces a fake band like Fugue Ozzy. Needless to say the more salacious or funny you make your band?s bio the better.

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