Pastor of Muppets

Every now and then we here at Figment will take the time to interview a band that we think more people should know about.  This interview with Pastor of Muppets is the first in this series.  We met over some croissaint and coffee in his luxury suite at the Le Parker Meridien in midtown Manhattan and over a wide ranging conversation asked him these 7 questions.

Figment:  Let me start by saying thanks for being the subject of our first artist profile on Figment.

Pastor of Muppets:  Yep, next question.

Figment:  Your previous band Godrape never reached the level of fame that you had hoped for.  What made you decide to disband that group and start a group that made children’s music?

Pastor of Muppets:  I was really depressed after GWAR stole our act and got a record deal while we were stuck playing Dingbatz [metal club in Clifton, NJ]. Then I read a Dan Zanes interview in Ex-Roots Rock Sellout Magazine where he talks about his McMansion in the burbs, his co-op in Chelsea, and the private jet he time-shares with Lisa Loeb and I just thought fuuuuuuck, you know?

Figment:  What sets Pastor of Muppets apart from the Yanni’s and The Wiggles of the world?

Pastor of Muppets:  The demon mask. Nobody else in kid’s music wears a disturbing full-coverage head mask, although IF YOU’RE READING THIS GWAR, FUCK YOU. I got here first.

Figment:  Do you think music can save the world?

Pastor of Muppets:  Sure, whatever.

Figment:  If you could give Britney Spears some advice what would it be?

Pastor of Muppets:  If you decide to do the mask thing, put some talc on that bald head — if you don’t have a full head of hair this thing gets real sweaty.

Figment:  Dan Zanes recently called you out and accused you of perverting Children’s music – any response?

Pastor of Muppets:  Look, there’s room at this trough for both of us. The way I see it, kids are born every minute, and if they want to listen to that “Look at me, I’m a skinny old fuck hoppin’ around in my candy colored hipster suit playing watered-down Roger Whittaker because the Del Fuegos sold eighteen CDs their whole career” crap when they’re toddlers, be my guest. When they get tired of that and want some serious childcore, that’s when they come looking for me.

Figment:  You call yourself the Pastor…what denomination do you belong to?

Pastor of Muppets:  I swear allegiance to Satan our Dark Lord, and I am a reform Jew.

Figment:  Now that you’ve released your debut EP what else can we look forward to from Pastor of Muppets?

Pastor of Muppets:  Our tape is at Jack’s Big Music Show as we speak, so fingers crossed, you know?  And Levon Helm is my great-uncle, and he knows Laurie Berkner, so I begged him to put in a good word for me next time he sees her. Just a few shows as her opening act would really open some doors for us. It’s Berkner’s world, we just live in it.

And with that our interview was cut short by Pastor of Muppets publicist who explained that the artist was late for a sheep’s blood transfusion therapy session.  We at Figment want to thank Pastor of Muppets again for so graciously granting us this interview and wish him luck in the trench warfare that is the Children’s music genre.

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