Figment Regalia

November 27th, 2008

Looking for that perfect gift for the holidays?  Well look no further, because we’ve got it.  That’s right Figment t-shirts are now on sale in our new Figment Merch Store.  At only $16 (including shipping & handling in the U.S.) it’s the ideal gift for these tough economic times.

Figment Bubble Horn Shirt - $16 incl. shipping & handling

Figment Bubble Horn Shirt - $16 incl. shipping & handling


Figment Logo Shirt - $16 incl. shipping and handling

Figment Logo Shirt - $16 incl. shipping and handling


Back of Both T-Shirts

Back of Both T-Shirts

Currently we only have Large, X-Large and XX-Large shirts available.  To order a t-shirt please visit the Figment Merch Store by clicking on this link or via the Merch link at the top of any page.  You can pay via PayPal or Credit Card.  If you’d rather pay by check or money order, send payment and your desired size to Figment Media LLC at the following address:

Figment Media LLC

P.O. Box 162

Glen Ridge, NJ  07028

So show your colors and order one today!

Thanks Be Given!

November 24th, 2008

In the annals of rock-n-roll lore not many stories rank as high as John Lennon’s casual remark in a press conference that the Beatles were “more popular than Jesus.” As everyone knows it set off a firestorm of complaints by Christians worldwide, but particularly in the United States where church bonfires took on a whole new twist!  Speaking of twists though, it seems that the story didn’t end there.  More than 40 years after Lennon uttered those famous words, the Vatican has decided to pardon him.  Well thanks be to god!

So if the Pope can forgive John Lennon, it gives us hope that John Deere will one day absolve John Lanolin of The Bleatles.

The Inquisitive Heavyweight!

November 20th, 2008

Figment is pleased to announce that Curiosity, the leader of the Gothic Lolita Industrial band of the same name, has agreed to become the latest Figment Industry Heavyweight.  An independent artist who writes, sings, performs and produces all of her own material, Curiosity creates her own style of moody, hard-hitting piano-centered digital synth music layered with heavy guitars.

Although based in Chicago, Curiosity dresses in the puffy, lace-covered Japanese Gothic Lolita style of Harajuku street fashion.  She speaks fluent Japanese, with some of her songs containing Japanese lyrics intertwined with English.  The band’s current lineup features Curiosity on vocals, keyboards and guitars, supported by the charming angel fairy guitarist Noël Heresy.  The two will be touring Japan in January of 2009 in support of Curiosity’s upcoming Liquorice EP release.

Curiosity will be reviewing Figment releases and buying/listening to those releases she feels warrant it.  We’ll also be announcing a contest soon to win a copy of Curiosity’s newest EP as well as some other band swag, so be on the lookout!!!  In the meantime, check out her MySpace page where you can hear some of her music, check out her videos, read her blog, keep up with tour dates and maybe even become her friend!

Who Doesn’t Love Pie?

November 10th, 2008

A couple of weeks ago I was sifting through the digital stacks of bands and albums on Figment and I happened across a band that really caught my attention, or should I say the cover of their album caught my attention.  “Extreme Croquet Club” by dance metal act The Cutie Pies has a cover that looks like it could have come out in 1987.  It reminds me of the Marietta, Georgia alternative jangle pop act Guadalcanal Diary’s album “2 x 4”.  But the similarities end there, because The Cutie Pies are anything but alternative jangle pop.  No, they are purveyors of a new form of metal – dance metal.  It’s a subgenre of metal that claims such bands as Slightly Metallic (the originators of the genre), Miss Bathory, The Lars Polka and The Rooftop Crusaders among its adherents.  The Cutie Pies though seem to be Les Enfants Terribles of the genre and we thought it was high time we caught up with them for a chat.  We sat down with lead singer Piper Lawrence to discuss what makes The Cutie Pies tick.

Figment:  Dance Metal seems to be expanding as a genre on Figment with bands like yours starting to take off.  What bands influenced you to take this route with your music?

Piper:  I listen to a mix of bands, from The Beatles, to As I Lay Dying. When I started this band, I really didn’t have a mind set on the genre. We just happened to be Dance Metal.

Figment:  As a dance metal band your first album, “Extreme Croquet Club”, is that perfect mix of aggro punk, metal and pop dance music that makes up the genre’s definitive sound.  Is there any significance to the title of the album and what was the concept behind it?

Piper:  Well, our drummer, Joshua Kain, was a part of the Extreme Croquet Club of ConnecticutBut, it was just something out of the blue, just like the titles for the songs. Some of them were quotes we said either playing video games, or us just being weird and random. Really, the titles have nothing to do with the actual songs.

Figment:  So Josh plays extreme croquet?  I didn’t realize it was actually a sport.  It’s kind of a subgenre of croquet in much the same way your music is a subgenre of metal huh?  Does it require special equipment?

Piper:  Yeah, I guess you could call it a subgenre.  Like I said before, Josh is a huge Extreme Croquet fanatic, and he actually taught the rest of us to play. It doesn’t mean we’re any good, But its something to pass the time. What Extreme Croquet really is, is pretty much the same thing as regular Croquet, except it is played in harsh terrains, like very woodsy areas. And the mallets, wickets, and balls are reinforced for “extra strength”.

Figment:  What do you like to do when not recording or touring?

Piper:  Well, we play croquet of course, video games, and when we’re in New Mexico we buy a butt load of firecrackers, and do stupid things. Pretty much we do whatever to keep ourselves entertained, even when it means our manager has to bail us out of jail.

Figment:  Piper, we know you’re the band’s lead singer, but we don’t know anything about the other members.  Can you introduce us to them and tell us a little about each one of them?

Piper:  Well, you know me, so I’m gonna move on. But there is my brother, Matt, who plays the electric bass guitar. He’s the lame older brother no one wants to hang out with.  Just kidding, he’s really the one who gets us sent to jail, most of the time. Anyways, Aaron Mason, plays the electric guitar. He’s our little nerd. You know Josh, the Extreme Croquet drummer. And Dominic Aston, who is awesome with the synth and is the craziest of us all.

Figment:  How did the band form?

Piper:  We all grew up together in the little town of Tucson, Arizona. Except for Josh, but, really, who cares about Josh, he’s just the drummer. Just kidding. We met him in college at the U of A, and we all became even closer, if that’s possible. and one boring day, I just said, “We should make a band, it’d be awesome.” And so we did. We went from my dorm room, to the road, to the studio, to the road again. So, we’ve seen a lot of the road.

Figment:  What bands are you a fan of?

Piper:  We really enjoy the music of House, and Miss Bathory, and The Pessimistic Romance. Among others that don’t come to mind right now.

Figment:  A lot of bands have bizarre backstage rider requests, like only green M&M’s or a specific paint color on the walls of the dressing room.  Do The Cutie Pies have any weird rider requests?

Piper:  We are a humble group, and we really try not to be a bother. So, if there’s something we need, like Matt’s gross wheat grass, we bring it ourselves. And if they insist, we ask for pie. Apple, and Pumpkin.

Figment:  What do you think of touring?  Any plans to do so in 2009?

Piper:  Touring…. Well, we’re trying to get together with, none other than, The Pessimistic Romance. But definitely we’re gonna do some gigs.

Figment:  I’m sorry, but I have to ask.  The Cutie Pies – ala mode, whipped cream or old school plain?

Piper:  Whipped cream, definitely. Plain is ok, but the best has to have whipped cream.

The Cutie Pies, a top selling band with a growing legion of fans, and well, whipped cream.  Isn’t that the cherry on top?!

[Editor’s Note:  Just prior to this article’s publication The Cutie Pies released their second album “Kalvin Klein and the Chipmunks” – so check it out.]

Who You Calling Fake?

November 6th, 2008

When Pusher put out their debut album “To The Limit” in June they made a point of name-checking Hinder as a band they felt were trying to steal their sound and image.

“We make unapologetic hair metal. That’s right Hinder you haven’t cornered the market on trying to resurrect pop metal that is more concerned with bandanas, hair spray, bad tattoos and underage peroxide blondes. We’re just as derivative as you! F@#king poseurs.”

Well lo and behold, Hinder may have just struck back.  Check out the title of their new album that was just released on November 4th!  Take it to the Limit?  Sounds as if somebody was taking a swipe at Pusher – what do you think?

We contacted Pusher lead singer Rikki Snake to ask him his opinion and got this response:

“What do you expect from a bunch of no-talents like Hinder!  Those hacks couldn’t write an original song if their lives depended on it.  So am I surprised that they stole our album title?  NO!  F@#king pieces of s%*t!  F@#k them!”

When I asked him if Pusher planned any legal action he responded by saying:

“We would if we could afford a lawyer.  No we’ll handle this the old-fashioned way.  If they want a war, we’ll give em’ one.  We’re going to bludgeon them with riffs, man!  It’s on baby!”

So what does Hinder have to say about all of this?  Unfortunately we don’t know because their management company repeatedly refused our requests for comment.

Pusher are currently in the studio working on the follow up to “To The Limit”, so all bets are on the fact that the second salvo in this on-going band feud will be fired in the form of a song!

Chad, Chad, He’s Our Man!

November 4th, 2008

Given that it’s election day we’re all very busy here at Figment Election Headquarters and don’t have a lot of time to blog.  With that in mind, we’ve decided to re-publish an interview with Chad Masters that we originally posted back on July 23, 2008.  Chad is that rare form of political maverick, the kind that actually IS a maverick.  In short, you never know what the hell he’s going to do!  So if you’re undecided today when you enter the voting booth, write in Chad, because believe it or not you COULD do worse.

Barack Obama John McCainRalph NaderChad Masters

Barack Obama, John McCain, Ralph Nader, Chad Masters.  Chad Masters? Okay, so you know the first three candidates running for President in 2008, but Chad Masters?  Isn’t he the bassist for Pincher Nipple?  Didn’t he recently have a run in with the employee of a Quiki Mart and spend a few months in the county clink?  Can a convicted felon run for President? All these questions and more were answered when we sat down at Masters campaign headquarters to conduct a one-on-one interview with the man himself, and by the time we were done not a Chad was left hanging.

Figment News: First of all, let me say thanks for taking the time to sit down with us for this interview.  I know you are a very busy man these days.  And with that in mind, let me ask you, what’s up with you and Pincher Nipple?  With 2 solo albums out now and a new Pincher Nipple record how do you juggle it all?

Chad Masters: I have to clear the air first of all. I am not going to be leaving Pincher Nipple.  My solo project is something that my therapist asked me to try.  After my time in jail, I had a lot of issues to sort out with no outlet for them.  She suggested I try writing them down in hopes of coming to terms with them.  Johnson saw some of what I was writing and said it would make some great whiney ass emo shit.  Now, Pincher Nipple would never put anything like that out, so I released it as a side project.  It has been quite cathartic.

Figment News:  I know there’s been some finger pointing and claims by Rod Johnson [brother of Pincher Nipple’s lead singer, Johnson] that his new band Crotch Rocket is better than Pincher Nipple, but has there been any internal squabbles with the rest of the Nipple crew about your solo projects?

Chad:  Screw Rod and the rest of those Crotch Rocket punks.  That kid is ungrateful.  Johnson pulled a lot of strings to get him signed and all he does is talk shit about us.  I don’t even want to talk about him.  As far as the rest of Pincher Nipple is concerned, this side project is just an outlet like I said before.  As a band, we are stronger than ever.

Figment News: “Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear” is the latest from Pincher Nipple.  What is that album all about?  Is the band trying to promote drinking and gambling?

Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear Album Cover

Chad:  This album was our homage to Vegas.  We love that place.  In fact, Vegas is a lot like Pincher Nipple…  Bright lights and hot nights.  Are we trying to promote drinking and gambling?  Hell yeah, we are.  Life is all about drinking and gambling, that and chicks, and money, and you’d better throw in some legal representation.  Next question.

Figment News:  Will the band be touring to support the new record?

Chad:  It’s in the works.  We’ve had some problems with our opening acts as of late, so if anybody out there thinks they have what it takes to tour with the Nipple, give us a shout. [editor’s note:  you can leave a shout in the shout box on Pincher Nipple’s Figment band page if you’d like to be their support act].

Figment News:  Your work with Pincher Nipple is purely hard rock, but on your solo records you’ve mixed it up a bit.  Why?

Chad:  Have you heard anything I’ve said.  Seriously dude, your starting to piss me off.  My side project is just one avenue to work out some personal problems.  Do you really think Pincher Nipple would play this stuff.  How many ladies are gonna throw their panties on stage when they come to see the sexiest, sleaziest, biggest [Masters holds his fingers about a foot apart] band in the world and all they do is cry and whine on stage about how miserable life is.  We are cock rockers.  We play loud and hard.  My solo work is just an escape.  A chance step away from myself if you will.  Your next question better be good or I’m outta here.

Figment News:  Fair enough, but I have to ask you what was the single most important thing you learned from your most recent incarceration?

Chad:  I’ll give you some credit for that one.  I’ve learned that I need to control my temper.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I tend to get worked up quickly.  That deli jockey may have screwed up my order, but that was no reason to tear the place apart and kick his ass.  And when I was in the joint, maybe, just maybe, if I had kept my mouth shut….. well I don’t want to talk about that.  Movin’ along.

Figment News:  Clearly your stay in prison influenced your first solo record, but what is the inspiration behind your latest record “Punch My Ticket”?

Punch My Ticket Album Cover

Chad:  I watch a lot of T.V.  and the one thing I never see is some ordinary dude standing up and telling these so called “representatives of the people” they suck.  They could care less if their constituents live or die.  Granted, I’m not ordinary by any means, but I get up and go to work and come home.  I hate hearing how stupid our country is compared to other countries, I hate hearing about all the crime, how people can’t afford to see a doctor.  It pisses me off.  So why couldn’t I be president.  I sure as hell don’t have to kiss any lobbyist ass to afford a campaign.  I sure as hell don’t need a cigar to screw an intern.  I’ll do things in that office they don’t even have a name for.  Obviously, you don’t need any qualifications to be a president, so why not?  I decided to run for president and what better way to kick off my campaign that with an album which may or may not have a campaign button that comes with the album.  Not sure what is going on with the buttons yet, might have to pick them up separately.

Figment News:  So the rumors are true that you are gearing up for a presidential run?

Chad:  What is wrong with you?  I just said I was.

Figment News:  Okay, moving right along, do you think that the “family values” crowd will support someone who has so candidly discussed sex and violence in their songs?

Chad:  Those so called “family values” people are way worse than me.  I can’t count the times some morally up righteous group talked shit about me and after a show their women would be kneeling at my alter, if you know what I mean.  The moral majority is a minority in my opinion.  It’s time the average guy stood up and got counted.

Figment News:  Pincher Nipple seems to be a cottage industry what with you branching out into solo work and lead singer Johnson’s little brother Rod forming Crotch Rocket.  Who do you think is making the best music of the three and are any of the other member’s thinking of going solo?

Chad:  Pincher Nipple by far.  Nobody can compete with us.

Figment News:  Are you in any way related to the rodeo star of the same name?

Chad:  Do I look like I watch rodeo?  I like reverse cowgirl as much as the next guy, but that is about all I know about rodeo.

Figment News:  Well if you’re going to run for President you’re going to have to get used to debate questions.  So here we go.  Mr. Masters it’s time for final statements, in ten words or less sum up your hopes for America in the next 4 years.

Chad:  It’s time?  it’s time, is it?  Ten words or less… America, I’m a rock star.  Punch my ticket…Vote Masters!

And there you have it, the audacity of hope, delivered by a leader we can believe in, who would never be caught dead in a Corvair.  Chad, you have our endorsement!