Yo! Bum Rush the UK!

February 27th, 2009


Hey – check out the great write up Figment got on the blog Strictly Independant.  If you love any of the hip hop related arts then Strictly Independant is the blog to read.  Penned by the wonderfully named “Figment”, Strictly Independant has reviews on everyone influencing the UK hip hop scene.  Whether it’s from across the pond (Jay-Z) or closer to Blighty (up-and-coming new UK artists like 777), this blog is required reading for every hip hop fanatic.  So check out Strictly Independant by clicking here and spread the Figment love!

Afterpartied Out!

February 23rd, 2009


The lights had barely gone back on at the Ginsu Theater, home of the First Annual Figment Awards, when I ran into Buzz Larkin of Can of Wupazz.  As the audience filed to the exits, Buzz lit into me about how his band should have won The Figgie for Best Single,  “Can of Wupazz was robbed!  Robbed I Say!”  After calming Buzz down by telling him that I agreed their nominated single “Mil Is In The House” from last year’s excellent  “The Nixon Chronicles” was a great song, I asked him about why he felt they were robbed and was met with a string of expletives worthy of Tricky Dick himself.  In the end, he vowed to not only reform the band, but also to put all of his rage into the band’s next album.

It was that kind of night at The Figgies.  In the press room, Lili of Lips Laced With Cyanide answered a flurry of questions about how her band felt, after narrowly losing both the Best Developed Band and the Best Band Name awards, with a far more appropriate level of enthusiasm. “OMG!  That’s amazing!  [bows] You have no idea how excited I was to see our band up there.  Fait Accompli, who won the Best Developed Band Figgie, followed Lili at the lecturn and band leader Aaron O’Blivion had this to say, “Needless to say we are shocked and humbled by our award for Best Developed Band.  We’d like to thank all who voted as well as the amazing pool of talented bands in the category, especially Lips Laced With Cyanide who we thought were shoe-ins for the award.  More importantly, our hearts go out to the fans who have bought our albums and sweated their way through our live shows.  We do it all for you.  This award has stoked the band’s fire and we will return darker and harder than ever with our new album.  Now it’s off to celebrate at the post-parties!”

And celebrate we did!  First stop, a private soiree at Club Doublewide thrown by rap collective 2TBUs.  While party guests dined on organic pork rinds and sipped moonshine martini’s, I caught up with The Professors of Hip and Hop themselves, i.am.bic pent.am.eter.  The professors had just taken home the award for Single of the Year for their ultimate summer jam “Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle” and they were clearly enjoying the spoils of the win as they chatted up the members of Rhyan Jewl.

Next stop was the official Figment Awards party where I ran into the design team of Scarletto and Poppinfresh who were admiring their brand new Figgie for “Album Cover of the Year”, for their work on The Bleatles “Abbey Fold” cover.  When asked for a quote they raised their champagne glasses and said “We are thrilled by this award and are especially honored because our cover was chosen by our peers as Album Cover of the Year.  Many thanks to everyone who voted for Abbey Fold and to all the Bleatles fans!”  As they clinked glasses with John Lanolin and Poll McCardigan of The Bleatles they all broke into an impromptu chorus of “Here Comes the Cud.”

After quite a bit of bubbly I finally caught up with Sweaters in June frontman tonyash and asked him what the story was behind his band’s name.  He thought for a minute while I admired his Figgie for “Best Band Name” and then replied “I was once a young lost soul who trudged through life wearing shorts and ball caps, until one day I met Michael Trikoff who became my mentor.  One warm summer afternoon Michael came to me wearing a sweater.  I asked him “Michael, why are you wearing this sweater in June?  Are you cold?”  Michael responded, “Cold is the soul broken in sorrow.  I shall wear my sweaters in June until my tears stop numbing my soul.”  Okay…

I finished the evening off by grabbing a ride with Dewett Clintock, fresh from his latest stint in jail, to the after after party at the Pure Liquid Sky Bar.  Dewett didn’t seem the least bit bummed that his hit country single “Muddy Stall (In the Jobsite Bathroom of My Heart)” hadn’t won for Single of the Year, but he did say that he was glad that his parole came through so that he could attend the awards ceremony.  As he chatted with Rikki Snake of Pusher, the party kicked into high gear with a set of new songs by The Cosmic Stoners off their brand new release “A Fine Example of Urban Decay”Ramgoat Starr and members of Ernie joined the band for a rousing cover of “Gloria” and the evening was capped off (no pun intended) by Dewett being led away in handcuffs for violating the terms of his parole by firing a pistol in the air every time the band sang G-L-O-R-I-A.

As I staggered out of the club and handed the valet my ticket I couldn’t help but notice that not only was the sun coming up, but my valet was the guitarist for the band Pushmower.  When I asked him why he was working as a valet on the night his band won the award for “Best Band Tag Line”, he shrugged and said “No Habla Ingles”.

The Envelope Please….

February 20th, 2009

Well, all the votes have been totalled, the results cross checked and verified by our accounting firm of Wiener Frushtick and Straub, and the envelopes sealed in a safe until today.  It is now our great pleasure to announce the winners of the 2009 Figgie’s.

The Figgie for Album of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Having Fun With Pastor of Muppets” by Pastor of Muppets

"Havin' Fun With Pastor of Muppets" by Pastor of Muppets

The Figgie for Album Cover of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Abbey Fold” by The Bleatles

Cover Design by Poppinfresh and Scarletto

"Abbey Fold" by The Bleatles

The Figgie for Single of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle” by i.am.bic pent.am.eter

"Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle" by i.am.bic pent.am.eter from their album "The Professors of Hip and Hop"

The Figgie for the Best Developed Band of 2009 goes to:

Fait Accompli

Fait Accompli

The Figgie for Best Band Name 2009 goes to:

Sweaters in June

Sweaters in June

And last but certainly not least The Figgie for Best Band Tag Line 2009 goes to:


“Guatemalan Death-Core With an Expired Work Visa”

Pushmower "Guatemalan Death-Core With an Expired Work Visa"

Needless to say there were some surprises mixed in with the final results.  The most glaring is Pastor of Muppets taking the coveted Figgie for “Album of the Year 2009” over favorite GothZilla’s “50 Stories of Sadness”Fait Accompli’s close win over Lips Laced With Cyanide for Best Developed Band also had some heads shaking as did Sweaters in June’s narrrow win over several other bands for Best Band Name 2009.   It was an exciting Figgie Awards and we hope you all enoyed it.  We hope to bring you continued coverage of the post-awards press conference complete with reactions from some of the winners and losers as well as highlights of the post-awards parties!  So stay tuned!

Animal Attraction

February 18th, 2009


I don’t know about you, but I often wonder where some indie bands these days get their names.  While some bands go for the ordinary, “Spoon”, others go for obtuse, “The Sea and Cake”, or scholarly sounding “Architechture in Helsinki.”  Now this isn’t to say I don’t like these bands or their names, because I do, but it does make you think about what led them to the name they selected and whether or not it’s hurt or helped their careers.  A new article by Beat Crave takes a look at the latest name obsession – animal names – and dares to point out which ones are overused.

When picking a name for your fake band, make sure you pick one that stands out from the crowd but still matches and sums up the sound you envision for the band.  Since there is no sound involved with a fake band it’s important that you connote as much of a feel for the band as you can with every detail you provide.  After all, if you pick the wrong name or one that’s doesn’t catch someone’s attention you’re likely to get lost in the shuffle.  So spend some time thinking about your name, because on Figment sometimes it is ALL in the name.

And We’re Back!

February 18th, 2009

Just wanted to let you know that we got the problem with our server fixed and Figment is back up. We apologize for any inconvenience this temporary service interruption may have caused.

Server Issues

February 18th, 2009

Our hosting company is having issues with the server that Figment is currently on.  They are working as fast as possible to get the site back up, so we’ll keep you posted on their progress.  We apologize for this service disruption and will work to get it fixed ASAP.

It Takes A Village!

February 16th, 2009


Ah, there’s nothing like a good band feud and what better band to have one then The Village People!  License, registration and settlement papers please!


All of us at Figment are getting very excited because on Friday Figment will be 1-year old.  Hard to believe isn’t it?  Well, time really does fly when you’re having fun!  To celebrate we’ve launched the first annual Figment Awards or as we like to call them – The Figgies!

Over the last 2 weeks we’ve been sending out official ballots to all registered Figment users so that they can cast votes on a variety of categories for which we’ll be awarding Figgies – including Album of the Year, Single of the Year and Best Band Name among others.  If you haven’t already voted, dig those emails out of your inbox and cast your vote, because all registered users who do cast a vote will receive 25 pieces of lucre for every ballot they vote on!  There are 3 ballots in all, that’s 75 pieces of lucre you can earn, so make sure you get out the vote!

For those of you who are not registered users, but would still like to cast a vote you can do so by visiting the ballots as they are issued – just click on the ballot # below to visit each ballot – you won’t earn the lucre, but the nominated bands will certainly appreciate your support.

Figgie’s Ballot #1 – Cast a vote for Album of the Year and Album Cover of the Year

Figgie’s Ballot #2 – Cast a vote for Single of the Year and Best Developed Band of the Year

Figgie’s Ballot #3 – Cast a vote for Best Band Name of the Year and Best Band Tag Line of the Year

Voting on all 3 ballots will end at midnight on Friday, February 13, 2009, so make sure to cast your votes ASAP!

We’ll be announcing all of the winner’s here on the Figment News Blog on Friday, February 20th, so check back to see who won!

Shout It From The Rooftops!

February 7th, 2009


Just wanted to let you know that we’ve selected the winner of our Win Rikki’s Lucre Contest!  It’s rockisgod for his band The Rooftops and their reunion album “Estamos de Vuelta”.  So what did rockisgod win?  2003 pieces of lucre that’s what!  That is the largest lucre award we’ve ever given out on Figment.  Wishing you had jumped in and submitted an entry?  All we’ll say is that it pays to read the Figment News Blog, and if you don’t believe us ask rockisgod!

So congratulations rockisgod!  Estamsos de Veulta indeed!


Hey!  Just wanted to remind you that you’ve only got until midnight ET tonight to get the band back together!  What am I talking about?  Check out it out! There’s a bunch of lucre up for grabs, so don’t delay!