I’ve met and seen a lot of bands over the years.  Some were popular, some…not so much.  Having said that, I’ve never once been apprehensive about meeting a band, and I’ve hung out with bands that would make Varg Vikernes nervous.  No case of nerves when I had coffee and croissants with Pastor of Muppets back in 2008 at the height of his fame.  Not even a butterfly when I hung out with The Dark Immortal in a rented mansion in New Orleans after Merchants of Metal Festival II – Devil’s Night.

So the feeling of unease I had as I pulled into the parking lot of Big Nose Kate’s Saloon in Tombstone, AZ was more than a bit unsettling to me.  Why the apprehension?  Was it nerves?  Or was I simply giving in to the dark image of the band I was about to interview, Lucifer and the Long Pigs?  Oh, who was I fooling?  These guys weren’t created by some record promotion flak, they’ve been rumored to light fans on fire, practice satanic rituals on-stage, and even to enjoy the taste of human flesh!  These are bona fide scary m#@therf%#ckers!   Or were they?  Only one way to find out…so in I trudged.

Figment News:  So this seems like the appropriate town to meet in for an interview with a band called Lucifer and the Long Pigs.  Do you guys live here or just passing through?

Jerry Lee Lucifer: Naw, son, we’re from the great state of Texas! Just like our tagline says, “all our hexes” an’ all that.

Bud “Pyro” Lingelson: Kate’s a great gal, she always takes good care of us when we swing on through. There’s no denying we have a certain, uh, attraction to the history of this here area.

FN:  So you guys play “Death Country”.  What inspired your sound?

Jerry: Thieves… Murderers… Bank robbers… Butchers… The songs they whistle an’ hum absentmindedly while they work with their hands, while they ply the tools of their respective trades.

Bud: Obviously, we have a lot in common with so-called “outlaw country” bands… We just tend to take things a little further, is all.

Duke Aguares: Yeah, and we don’t go running to the Lord on our deathbeds with our tails tucked between our legs just because we enjoyed a little too much women and whiskey during our lifetimes.

The Drummer with No Name: …

FN:  How did you guy’s come together to form the band?

Jerry: Well, Bud and I have known each other for quite some time. He knew Duke from a local honky tonk bar, and we recruited him for Lucifer. Weren’t too hard, neither. *laughs* Zane and I… he ain’t gonna like that I told this story while he’s in the bathroom, but we had exchanged some heated words at an auction house this one time. We were both bidding on this beautiful Red Foley hollow-body guitar– you see, I collect guitars of dead country stars, something about their energy… got dozens of ’em. Well, we decided to take our lil’ discussion outside. I broke his jaw, laid him flat out, but not before he broke my goddamn nose. Neither of us ended up winning that damn guitar, neither.

FN:  Why doesn’t your drummer have a name?

Bud: Now, if you believe the teevee media, then you know it’s because we use our drummers as human sacrifices in occult rituals. No names means no evidence trail.

Jerry: If you read the tabloids, then you think it’s because we raised him from the dead, resurrected some dusty corpse from some unmarked grave out on the prairie.

Duke: Others say he just don’t say much, name or otherwise. *shrugs*

Drummer: …

FN:  I noticed in your band bio that “Long Pig is slang for human flesh used as flesh, as in cannibalism.”  Are you guy’s cannibals?

Jerry: Coming from a long line of stockyard workers, I can assure you 100% that I can’t rule out the possibility that some poor guy’s thumb didn’t get ground up in the machinery or bitten off by a hog that was then slaughtered or something like that.

Bud: Coming from a long line of BBQ contest champions, I can tell you that whatever gets you that 1st prize blue ribbon is worth it. That’s what my daddy always used to say, and I never asked him no questions about it, neither.

FN:  You guys have enjoyed a lot of success so far.  You’ve put out 2 albums and an EP and they’ve all gone to #1.  In fact, the only album that didn’t was your recent “Live:  Tri-State Killing Spree Tour” album, and that still hit #3.  To what do you owe your success?

Bud: *nodding to Jerry* Lucifer.

Jerry: *nodding at the ground* Satan.

Duke: Both?

Drummer: …

FN:  So this deal with Satan, real or fake?

Jerry: I guess we’ll find out when the Rapture comes, now won’t we? *laughs* Next question.

FN:  Jerry Lee, there’s a rumor going around that you married your cousin’s pet jackal.  Is that true?

Jerry: Now that damn rumor’s harder to squash than a cockroach on ice on a moonless night. Lemme set the record straight, right here and now: it weren’t no jackal, but my cousin’s sister, Jacqueline, and we never did get married. She’s a mighty fine gal– I’ve nothing but respect for Jackie– and sure, maybe we fell over into a pile of hay a time or three under the influence of moonshine, but we never did get married. And that, they say, is that.

FN:  Your latest album “The Road to Helldorado” recently spent over a month entrenched at #1 on the Figment Hot Albums chart.  What was the concept behind that album and what was it like recording it?

Jerry: Well, you got yer Eldorado, the shimmering city of gold, and you’ve got Hell, torture chamber of the damned. Maybe you think you’re well on your way to finding one or the other, but them heat waves off the asphalt can play tricks on yer eyes. Maybe you don’t quite end up where you thought you were goin’.

Bud: Maybe Eldorado is just a pipe dream in the first place, made up by some ancient snake oil salesman. Or salesmen.

Duke: Recording is always a good time… them dead cattle they found weren’t our fault, though.

FN:  How hard was it to get back into the swing of recording after being on the road?

Bud: It wasn’t. Is it hard to switch back to whiskey after drinking tequila for a couple months? Didn’t think so.

FN:  Jerry Lee, you recently said that all of your vocals for the new record were recorded in an abandoned slaughterhouse.  Why use such an unorthodox location to record vocals?

Jerry: Like I mentioned earlier, I come from a long line of slaughterhouse workers. It was sort of a nostalgia trip, since I used to hang out in the plants as a kid. Every one is more or less the same, too– the boss screwing some secretary on an unused cutting table in the back just loud enough that you can hear it over the saws, sloppy bastards spitting chaw juice into the meat vats, the sound of thousands of animals getting shot between the eyes with bolt guns before being gutted and cut apart. Like I said. Nostalgia.

FN:  Who produced “The Road to Helldorado”?

Bud: This Remy Brecht character from a studio called Formerwageslave, he’s produced all our stuff so far. Great guy– never lets us run out of liquor, never complains when we light a bunch of candles an’ hang sides of beef on the walls, never asks questions when we have some local gals all hogtied in the vocal booth.

Drummer: …

Jerry: Great guy.

FN:  Who are the primary songwriters in the band?

Jerry: Bud and I will sketch out most of the basic tunes, guitars an’ vocals with piano or fiddle. Zane will come in with the lead or pedal steel, and then Duke an’ the Drummer supply the backbone when it’s time to record.

FN:  Let’s go back to your recent “Tri-State Killing Spree” tour.  Did you really select the tour stops because they were where famous serial killers lived?

Jerry: Hell yeah we did! We’re big fans of those fellers’ work, they give us all sorts of inspiration, so we figured hell, why not have the tour do double duty as a pilgrimage vacation kind of thing.

Duke: It was like them Starline Tours! Only with more, y’know, blood.

FN:  A lot of the shows you played were marred by violence, and there was a heavy police presence at the final shows in Livermore, CA.  Do you agree with your critics that your music and stage show encourage violence?

Jerry: Listen here– man is a predatory creature. It’s in his nature. Earliest caveman ever found? Had an arrow stuck in his back. We’re a species built on bloodshed. No band of hell-raisin’ good ol’ boys is gonna change that. Ain’t gonna provoke it no more than usual, neither.

Bud: We’re just out there every night tryin’ to have a good time. Maybe our definition of good time is different from yours. Maybe you like to smash bottles over yer friends’ heads. Maybe you wanna bury a knife in someone’s gut. We try not to judge.

FN:  Are you planning to tour in support of “The Road to Helldorado” album?  And if so, is there any truth to the rumors that your stage set-up will include a burning car like the one portrayed on the front of the album?

Bud: Absolutely.

Jerry: As for the stage show, let’s just say that the venues in cities with more… liberal… fire codes are in for quite a show.

FN:  On your “All Our Hexes Come From Texas” album you recorded a cover of the Concrete Blonde song “Ghost of  Texas Ladies Man”  with Antoinette and Marguerite from SquidbitchezHow did that collaboration come about, and are there any bands/artists that you’d like to work with in the future?

Jerry: I’ve known them Squid gals forever, since they was about yay high *motions with hand*. Antoinette’s daddy was one hell of a music man, that guy could play anything. She got her gift from him, that’s for sure. With Margie… you can tell that one’s on a dark path just by spending five minutes with her. Just made sense to put something on tape after all the times we’ve played together after dinner at the ranch for fun. That Johnette Na-po-li-ta-no is one helluva woman, too.

Bud: Those fellers over at Good Horse Records have been cookin’ up some interesting stuff. We’d be interested in chewin’ the fat with their Calavera Electrica or Mescaline Kimono and see what happens.

FN:  If Taylor Swift called would you guys work with her?

Jerry: Hahaha, now that’d be a hoot! Sure, why not… especially since Miley Cyrus turned us down after her daddy threatened us with physical violence.

Duke: Something about us being “no good, smokin’, boozin’, hell-raisin’, devil-worshippin’, flea-bitten mongrel sons of bitches”.

Bud: Aw, he’s just sore that no one remembers “Achey Breaky Heart,” that’s all. *rolls eyes*

4 Responses to “Deep In The Dark Hearts of Texas: Lucifer and the Long Pigs”

  1. Javdoc Says:

    Fantastic!

  2. FuriousGrace Says:

    Excellent interview! We love you boys…

    ~Marguerite & Antoinette~

  3. Childofalma Says:

    Dude that was an awesome interview. Love the jab at the Cyrus’ at the end too.

  4. Crypt_Keeper Says:

    Awesome interview! LLP are some guys I’d like to hang out with!

Leave a Reply