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Road Stories is a new feature here on Figment News where Figment bands tell us their tales from the wide open road.  So get your motor runnin’!

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Judging Alice and Mary’s War just recently returned from the road where they were both on the bill of the No Turning Back Tour, and knowing both bands we figured they’d have their fair share of “Road Stories.”  So we asked them to wax poetic about their latest stint on the road, and they obliged.  No turning back now boys!

Judging Alice

Hello all! Daryl Pi here from Judging Alice. So, the band’s manager, Monte, approached me saying “so this website called Figment wants to hear one or more crazy tour stories.” At first I was a little confused, considering how we haven’t been around for that long, but I was still stoked nonetheless, and a lot of weird stuff has happened on this tour. The only flaw is we’re about to do a show, and all the other guys are warming up (and for all we know Niko is probably playing with himself; we haven’t seen him for 30 minutes), so I just figured I’d do it. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we? No pun intended…  

So lets go back in time a little bit: The Unsilencing Begins World Tour, which was with Summer’s Passing, Empty Spaces, Sinthetic, SIX-66, and Cadem. This is one of my personal favorite tours, and the fact that it was worldwide made it all the better. But we didn’t know what to expect with Summer’s Passing. We knew they were crazy dudes, but we didn’t know what they were capable of, which was terrifying cause we shared a bus with them and the other bands. We had just gotten done with the Albany, NY show on the 18th of January, and next was Hartford, CT on the 20th. Around midnight, I was awaken by the words “These gray shadows make the world turn green, yet green is not a creative color!” I was wondering “what in the hell was that?” But it wasn’t over. A few of the other lines I heard was “the sun was pink as my dog turned yellow,” and “Harry Potter made the world explode secretly!” I immediately knew it was one of the guys from Summer’s Passing, because I heard a Norwegian accent. I got out of my bunk, and walked into the kitchen. SP frontman Haakon Johansen was butt ass naked, screaming what I assumed to be a form of abstract poetry, while Empty Spaces singer/rhythm guitarist Brady Knowles was staring, mortified. I asked Brady softly “dude… what the fuck is his problem?” His response was “…he may or may not be drunk, I have no clue.” Now the both of us were staring at him screaming at his dick, when all of a sudden he looked up, threw jalapeno peppers at us and proceeded to yell at us in Norwegian. Then he stopped talking and fell over. He passed out. We immediately checked to see if he was still alive. He was ok. But I had started asking many questions: “Did he have a rough night?” “Does he usually do this?” “How are other people still sleeping?” “Did they prepare for this?” Whatever it was I’ll never know.

Lets fast forward to the present. As many of you know, we’ve been on the No Turning Back Tour (which has just confirmed there will be more US dates in the fall), along with bands such as Mary’s War, Deathbed Confederates, Daisy May, and more. It’s been awesome! But lets see. Crazy stories… hmmm… oh I know! So Micheal Dexter of Angel of Death and I were hanging out on the streets of Baltimore, and all of a sudden this guy came up to us. He was wearing all black, and it looked like he had a gun. He said in a tough guy voice “give me all of your wallets! Oh wait… are you the singer of Angel of Death?” Micheal was absolutely terrified, but he managed to spit out the word “yes.” The robber began to profess his love for Angel of Death, and how they have gotten him through “all of the tough times.” Michael, still terrified, said “thank you very much. Means a lot.” Long story short, we didn’t get robbed, but the robber did get Micheal’s autograph and left us alone.

But that’s what life on the road with Judging Alice has been like so far. Thanks for reading, and we’ll see you all on the road soon.

Mary’s War:

Hey! My name is Jon Jefferson, I play bass for the prog-screamo group Mary’s War, and I’m here to tell you all some tour stories. As many of you know, the guys and I have been touring for a while. We got done with the Tour of Destruction back in April, and we spent the summer on the No Turning Back Tour, with bands such as Judging Alice, Murder13, Sex Metal, and more! And since we’ve been around for 2 years, we have quite the stories for you.  

So for those who aren’t aware, the Tour of Destruction was a year-long tour, going around the entire world (even to some of the small towns for acoustic shows), and though it was exhausting, it was the dream of a lifetime. And the best part was, we were all there for each other. I remember Riki Milligan’s dad passed away when the tour first started, and it was like a small community coming together. It was kind of beautiful. But of course, things got a little weird half way through the tour. I recall when Brady (Knowles, singer of Mary’s War), Greg (Hert, guitarist of Mary’s War), Ken (Jullen, ex-drummer of Mary’s War) and I were doing a meet and greet, when all of a sudden, some hot girl came up to me and said in the manliest voice “I want you to tattoo your signature on my dick,” and I was so weirded out, I called security. But the weirdness doesn’t stop there. After the show was over, the guys and I got back on the bus to grab some snacks and some beer, when we found that same shemale, naked in our bus. Greg fainted, Ken vomited, and Brady and I laughed our asses off before throwing he/she out. No offense to the shemales out there, we definitely honor and respect the people different from us, but this case was just… awkward. Everyone on the tour picked on us for that story ever since, but it was all in good fun.

And the fun/awkward/terrifying stories don’t stop there. On the same tour, during an acoustic show, a Jehovah’s Witness stood up in the crowd, and started screaming “Jesus can save you” and all this other religious stuff. Now, as someone who is Christian, I have already let Jesus in my life, so I didn’t want to hear this crap. Brady stopped us playing, stood up, and walked to the guy to say “I understand where you’re coming from, but dude… shut up. It’s a rock show, not a sermon.” He then proceeded to throw mini bibles at us and the crowd, before security took him away. I guess there’s a first for everything.

And so far on the No Turning Back Tour, the only thing that’s happened to us personally was getting chased down by fans in Worcester, MA. It was a sold out show, and we were there early, and we got bombarded. It was cool, but it was also kind of scary.

But anyways, that’s it for me. Thanks for reading!

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Check out Judging Alice’s latest release “Laserz!!” – EP”

Check out Mary’s War’s latest release “Tell No Soul”

One Response to “Road Stories: Judging Alice & Mary’s War”

  1. Riki Milligan Says:

    The Tour of Destruction was indeed an awesome experience. It’s always great getting to meet other artists and bond in ways that you might never have if it weren’t for sharing a bus together. When my dad passed away I was really worried about how the other guys on the bill would take the news that we would be taking some time off even though the tour had just started. But everyone was really cool and understanding, which made the whole situation much easier to deal with. I didn’t want to be dealing with a death in the family, and worrying about everyone being pissed at me back on the road. Everyone helped make a difficult situation much easier to handle. We only wish we could have joined the rest of the acts for the full world tour, but we were already in the process of setting up Bea St. Studios, and working with muffin on “Smashed!”, as well as wanting to get started on “Under Your Skin”. But, again, everyone on the bill was really understanding and easy going about the whole thing when we decided not to follow the tour through Canada, Europe, and Asia.

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