As I explained in an earlier post, The Figment Awards or “Figgies” as we like to call them recognize excellence in fake band creation and marketing.  The nominees are selected by our Figment editorial board, but the winners are selected by you and your fellow Figment players.  So thanks for taking the time to cast your votes, we appreciate it.

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Now, let’s see who won a Figgie this year!

BEST DEVELOPED BAND

Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

BEST SINGLE

“Double Bacon Hate Burger” by Fistful of Firearms

BEST TAGLINE

Hookahs, Not Bazookas!

Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

BEST BAND NAME

Hot Flying Fragments

ALBUM COVER OF THE YEAR

Suicide By Papercut “Chronicles”

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

“Seizure Salad” by Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

Well, there you have it!  Congratulations to all of the Figgie Award winners.  Zandergriff Miggs and his Parliament of Owls was clearly the big winner of this year’s awards taking 3 of the six awards.  So congrats Zander and the Owls!  We’ll be crediting each of the winner’s accounts with 250 pieces of lucre and placing a special Figgie Award icon on their band’s page to recognize their achievement.

We’d also like to congratulate all of the nominated bands for their great work in 2009.  It’s never easy to go home empty handed, but your work did not go unnoticed and we have every reason to believe you’ll be back next year, maybe even with a new band!?

So until next year…

And last but certainly not least, here are the nominees for the 2010 Album of the Year Figgie (in no particular order):

The Forgotten Falling “This Is Sayonara”

The Dark Immortal “Ashes to Ashes”

Minagoroshi “I Am Death Alive”

Zeroth “Tachyon”

Suicide By Papercut “Chronicles”

Amish Militia “Barn Raising From Hell”

Smug Fungus “Toke”

Fait Accompli “Malevolence”

Stonekrank “Smokin'”

Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls “Seizure Salad”

Eccentric Arcade “Eccentric Arcade”

Crimson Eye “Tenth Exodus”

Manifold Spaceport “3”


2010 Figgies – Best Single

March 13th, 2010

Aah, the Best Single Figgie, a single shot of goodness.  This category is always one of the hardest, because there are so many great song titles on Figment that we have to balance the funny ones with the more serious ones.  In the end, we try to provide a mix of nominees that are simply the best.

So take a look at this year’s nominees below and then cast your votes by clicking here.

“Careful With Those Shears Delilah!” by Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

“Never Too Warm For Wool” by Amish Militia

“Double Bacon Hate Burger” by Fistful of Firearms

“Rust and Mildew” by Eccentric Arcade

“Walking With Spirits” by Whispers to the Fallen

“Fonzy Scheme” by Van Q

“Slash, Slash, Murder Bash!” by The Dark Immortal

“Typeface Not Font MFer” by dzinr

Time is running out!  So cast your votes now!

The Best Band Name Figgie is one of our favorites.  It recognizes a band created in the past year whose name is just downright awesome in every way – funny, clever, cool, memorable and interesting.  A band name that the minute you hear it makes you a fan without even hearing a note, which in the case of Figment is even more important since…well you know…

Take a look at each band and then cast your vote for this and the other five Figgie categories by clicking here!

So here are the nominees for this year’s Best Band Figgie (in no particular order):

Larry David Foster Wallace Shawn Marion Berry

Aqua Volvo

Dementorhosen

Hot Flying Fragments

Lutefist

Taxine Fontaine and the Park Avenue Sluts

The Bacon Grabbers

Whispers to the Fallen

Wheelie Nilsson

Colonel Abstract & The Dangers

So what are you waiting for?  Vote!

Promotion is important in the real and virtual music worlds.  With so many bands trying to capture people’s attention you have to find a way to cut through the clutter to get a fan’s attention.  That’s where the tagline comes in.  It’s a way to sum up your band’s aesthetic in one line and hook a potential fan.  So when you cast your vote for the Best Tagline Figgie, make sure you pick a band whose tagline is clever, but also right on the money.

Here are the nominees for the Best Tagline Figgie 2010 (in no particular order):

Zeroth

“Because life is too short to play in 4/4”

Dementorhosen

“Bratwurst, blasphemy, and blast beats.

The Mac Daddy

dzinr

“The Mac Daddy”

It's Pennsylvania DEUTSCH, not DUTCH, you buffoons!

Amish Militia

“It’s Pennsylvania DEUTSCH, not DUTCH, you buffoons!”

Fistful of Firearms

“Speak Metal and Carry A Big F**king Gun”

Riddled With Tipos

“Stive for Clarity”

Second Bananas

“Big on craftmanship, large on deference, HUGE on potassium”

Sintera

“Indulgent Crap, Get Some”

Solomon X. Lambert

“I am the last…I will tell the audient void…”

Worship the Glitch

“Prepare to be Boarded!”

Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

“Hookahs, Not Bazookas”

Time is ticking, so make sure you cast your votes!

In this post we’re spotlighting the “Album Cover of the Year” Figgie nominees.  When casting your vote for the album cover you think is the best, make sure you’re voting for the cover that not only has the best design, but also the most visual impact.  Does it communicate the band’s genre and content?  Clever is good, but it’s not everything, so keep that in mind when you cast your vote.

So here are the nominees (in no particular order):

“I Am Death Alive” – Minagoroshi

Designer – Nocturnal

In-A-Danna-Da-Vido – Byron Udderfly

Designer – RevSpike

“Picture of Oxygen” – Nom de Guerre

Designer – frizbee

“Gallows Hill” – Fait Accompli

Designer – overground

“The Bastard in Space”  (Single) – Fustercluck

Designer – RevSpike

“Black Sunrise” (German Import Single) – Coxswain Insignia

Designer – frizbee

“Barn Raising From Hell” – Amish Militia

Designer – javdoc

“Xenophilia Live” – Eccentric Arcade & Fait Accompli

Designer – frizbee

“Shorn Fleece” – John Lanolin

Designer – poppinfresh

“Hoof & Mouth” – KARKASS

Designer – thehoseman

“Chronicles” – Suicide by Papercut

Designer – bendertj

“Törnekrona” – Törnekrona

Designer – Hypnox

“Twisted Fate” – Entropic Touch

Designer – Hatefulsadness

“3” – Manifold Spaceport

Designer – theHoseman

Have you cast your vote yet?  No?  Well, what are you waiting for?  Check your email for your official Figgies ballot invite and get voting!  All of this year’s nominees are counting on your votes!

Our next spotlight will be on the nominees for the coveted “Best Tagline” Figgie!

This is the first in a series of blog posts spotlighting each of the Figgie Award categories and the nominees in that category.

The Best Developed Band Figgie  recognizes the fake band that was the most complete in every facet of the game – band back story (description), artwork, album cover design, song titles, marketing/promotion and fan base development.  In short, we’re looking for you to cast a vote for the fake band that is 2009’s best and most complete fake band.  Last year’s winner was Fait Accompli.

This year’s nominees include (in no particular order):

Eccentric Arcade

Zandergriff Miggs & The Parliament of Owls

Zeroth

!?

The Forgotten Falling

Big Poppa

Have you cast your vote yet?  No?  Well, what are you waiting for?  Check your email for your official Figgies ballot invite and get voting!  All of this year’s nominees are counting on your votes!

Our next spotlight will be on the nominees for the coveted “Album Cover of the Year” Figgie!

The 2010 Figgies!

February 15th, 2010

It’s that time of year again!  The time when you get to award those fake bands on Figment you think deserve to be recognized for their achievements in 2009.

The Figment Awards, or “Figgie’s” as we like to call them, are awards that are handed out once a year to those Figment bands and albums that garner the most votes from the Figment community.  They recognize excellence in fake band creation and design, and since they are voted on by the community represent those bands that have truly resonated with their peers on Figment.

Our crack Figment editorial team have selected the fake bands and albums of 2009 we thought deserved to be nominees, but we’re going one step further this year and giving you the opportunity to write-in a nominee if you think that band/album deserves it.

While clearly these awards are all in good fun, we ask that you try to be as fair and impartial as possible when casting your votes.  Try to vote for the band or album that you think best deserves the award.  If you honestly think your band or album deserves your vote that’s fine, but keep in mind that everyone else might not feel the same.

Also keep in mind that these awards are only open to bands/albums created in 2009, so if you write-in a band or album that wasn’t they will be disqualified, except in those awards like “Album of the Year” or “Album Cover of the Year” where only the album, not the band, is required to have been created in 2009.

As we did last year, you’ll be asked to cast a vote on the following award categories:

Best Developed Band – this award recognizes the fake band that was the most complete in every facet of the game – band back story (description), artwork, album cover design, song titles, marketing/promotion and fan base development.  In short, we’re looking for you to cast a vote for the fake band that is 2009’s best and most complete fake band.  Last year’s winner was Fait Accompli.

Album Cover of the Year – this award recognizes the best album cover design of the year.  We’re looking for you to vote for the cover that not only has the best design and visual impact, but also best communicates the album’s genre and content.  Abbey Fold by The Bleatles was last year’s winner.

Best Tagline – this award recognizes the fake band with the best tagline.  Promotion is important in the music business, and with so many bands trying to capture people’s attention you have to find a way to cut through the clutter to get a fan’s attention.  We’re looking for you to cast a vote for the band that not only best summed up their band’s aesthetic in one line, but also created a memorable slogan that grabs your attention.  Last year’s winner Pushmower is a perfect example.

Album of the Year – this award recognizes the album that is the best of the best.  We’re looking for you to take into account the cover design, the album description and the song titles when casting your vote.  In short, which album do you think was the best of 2009.  “Havin’ Fun with Pastor of Muppets” by Pastor of Muppets took last year’s prize!

Best Band Name – this award recognizes the Figment fake band with the best name.  A name that captures not only your attention, but also a bit of the band’s aesthetic, while also being clever and original.   To give you an idea of what we’re talking about – here’s last year’s winner!

Best Single – this award recognizes the best song title!  We know a lot of you are releasing singles these days, but we’re not looking for you to cast your vote on album covers, but instead simply on how great of a song title it is and whether or not it made you want to buy the album .  Yeah, we’ve included quite a few funny ones in the nominees we put forward, but we’re also looking for a song title that resonated with you, so if you have a favorite that appeared on a 2009 album that isn’t funny please write it in – and remember to include the group that created it!  Last year’s winner was the single ““Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle”.

So those are the awards we’ll be asking you to vote on this year.  We hope you’ll take a moment to check out all of the bands nominated before filling out your ballot.  The last day to submit your ballot is March 15, 2009, so make sure you get your votes in before the end of the day on March 15th.  The winners will be announced here on the Figment News blog on Friday, March 19, 2010 and each of the winners will receive an icon for their winning band/album page as well as 250 pieces of lucre.

Check your email because we’re sending out the invite that will link you to the ballot later today.  We’re looking forward to seeing who you vote for!

Afterpartied Out!

February 23rd, 2009

party

The lights had barely gone back on at the Ginsu Theater, home of the First Annual Figment Awards, when I ran into Buzz Larkin of Can of Wupazz.  As the audience filed to the exits, Buzz lit into me about how his band should have won The Figgie for Best Single,  “Can of Wupazz was robbed!  Robbed I Say!”  After calming Buzz down by telling him that I agreed their nominated single “Mil Is In The House” from last year’s excellent  “The Nixon Chronicles” was a great song, I asked him about why he felt they were robbed and was met with a string of expletives worthy of Tricky Dick himself.  In the end, he vowed to not only reform the band, but also to put all of his rage into the band’s next album.

It was that kind of night at The Figgies.  In the press room, Lili of Lips Laced With Cyanide answered a flurry of questions about how her band felt, after narrowly losing both the Best Developed Band and the Best Band Name awards, with a far more appropriate level of enthusiasm. “OMG!  That’s amazing!  [bows] You have no idea how excited I was to see our band up there.  Fait Accompli, who won the Best Developed Band Figgie, followed Lili at the lecturn and band leader Aaron O’Blivion had this to say, “Needless to say we are shocked and humbled by our award for Best Developed Band.  We’d like to thank all who voted as well as the amazing pool of talented bands in the category, especially Lips Laced With Cyanide who we thought were shoe-ins for the award.  More importantly, our hearts go out to the fans who have bought our albums and sweated their way through our live shows.  We do it all for you.  This award has stoked the band’s fire and we will return darker and harder than ever with our new album.  Now it’s off to celebrate at the post-parties!”

And celebrate we did!  First stop, a private soiree at Club Doublewide thrown by rap collective 2TBUs.  While party guests dined on organic pork rinds and sipped moonshine martini’s, I caught up with The Professors of Hip and Hop themselves, i.am.bic pent.am.eter.  The professors had just taken home the award for Single of the Year for their ultimate summer jam “Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle” and they were clearly enjoying the spoils of the win as they chatted up the members of Rhyan Jewl.

Next stop was the official Figment Awards party where I ran into the design team of Scarletto and Poppinfresh who were admiring their brand new Figgie for “Album Cover of the Year”, for their work on The Bleatles “Abbey Fold” cover.  When asked for a quote they raised their champagne glasses and said “We are thrilled by this award and are especially honored because our cover was chosen by our peers as Album Cover of the Year.  Many thanks to everyone who voted for Abbey Fold and to all the Bleatles fans!”  As they clinked glasses with John Lanolin and Poll McCardigan of The Bleatles they all broke into an impromptu chorus of “Here Comes the Cud.”

After quite a bit of bubbly I finally caught up with Sweaters in June frontman tonyash and asked him what the story was behind his band’s name.  He thought for a minute while I admired his Figgie for “Best Band Name” and then replied “I was once a young lost soul who trudged through life wearing shorts and ball caps, until one day I met Michael Trikoff who became my mentor.  One warm summer afternoon Michael came to me wearing a sweater.  I asked him “Michael, why are you wearing this sweater in June?  Are you cold?”  Michael responded, “Cold is the soul broken in sorrow.  I shall wear my sweaters in June until my tears stop numbing my soul.”  Okay…

I finished the evening off by grabbing a ride with Dewett Clintock, fresh from his latest stint in jail, to the after after party at the Pure Liquid Sky Bar.  Dewett didn’t seem the least bit bummed that his hit country single “Muddy Stall (In the Jobsite Bathroom of My Heart)” hadn’t won for Single of the Year, but he did say that he was glad that his parole came through so that he could attend the awards ceremony.  As he chatted with Rikki Snake of Pusher, the party kicked into high gear with a set of new songs by The Cosmic Stoners off their brand new release “A Fine Example of Urban Decay”Ramgoat Starr and members of Ernie joined the band for a rousing cover of “Gloria” and the evening was capped off (no pun intended) by Dewett being led away in handcuffs for violating the terms of his parole by firing a pistol in the air every time the band sang G-L-O-R-I-A.

As I staggered out of the club and handed the valet my ticket I couldn’t help but notice that not only was the sun coming up, but my valet was the guitarist for the band Pushmower.  When I asked him why he was working as a valet on the night his band won the award for “Best Band Tag Line”, he shrugged and said “No Habla Ingles”.

The Envelope Please….

February 20th, 2009

Well, all the votes have been totalled, the results cross checked and verified by our accounting firm of Wiener Frushtick and Straub, and the envelopes sealed in a safe until today.  It is now our great pleasure to announce the winners of the 2009 Figgie’s.

The Figgie for Album of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Having Fun With Pastor of Muppets” by Pastor of Muppets

"Havin' Fun With Pastor of Muppets" by Pastor of Muppets

The Figgie for Album Cover of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Abbey Fold” by The Bleatles

Cover Design by Poppinfresh and Scarletto

"Abbey Fold" by The Bleatles

The Figgie for Single of the Year 2009 goes to:

“Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle” by i.am.bic pent.am.eter

"Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle" by i.am.bic pent.am.eter from their album "The Professors of Hip and Hop"

The Figgie for the Best Developed Band of 2009 goes to:

Fait Accompli

Fait Accompli

The Figgie for Best Band Name 2009 goes to:

Sweaters in June

Sweaters in June

And last but certainly not least The Figgie for Best Band Tag Line 2009 goes to:

Pushmower

“Guatemalan Death-Core With an Expired Work Visa”

Pushmower "Guatemalan Death-Core With an Expired Work Visa"

Needless to say there were some surprises mixed in with the final results.  The most glaring is Pastor of Muppets taking the coveted Figgie for “Album of the Year 2009” over favorite GothZilla’s “50 Stories of Sadness”Fait Accompli’s close win over Lips Laced With Cyanide for Best Developed Band also had some heads shaking as did Sweaters in June’s narrrow win over several other bands for Best Band Name 2009.   It was an exciting Figgie Awards and we hope you all enoyed it.  We hope to bring you continued coverage of the post-awards press conference complete with reactions from some of the winners and losers as well as highlights of the post-awards parties!  So stay tuned!