Afterpartied Out!

February 23rd, 2009


The lights had barely gone back on at the Ginsu Theater, home of the First Annual Figment Awards, when I ran into Buzz Larkin of Can of Wupazz.  As the audience filed to the exits, Buzz lit into me about how his band should have won The Figgie for Best Single,  “Can of Wupazz was robbed!  Robbed I Say!”  After calming Buzz down by telling him that I agreed their nominated single “Mil Is In The House” from last year’s excellent  “The Nixon Chronicles” was a great song, I asked him about why he felt they were robbed and was met with a string of expletives worthy of Tricky Dick himself.  In the end, he vowed to not only reform the band, but also to put all of his rage into the band’s next album.

It was that kind of night at The Figgies.  In the press room, Lili of Lips Laced With Cyanide answered a flurry of questions about how her band felt, after narrowly losing both the Best Developed Band and the Best Band Name awards, with a far more appropriate level of enthusiasm. “OMG!  That’s amazing!  [bows] You have no idea how excited I was to see our band up there.  Fait Accompli, who won the Best Developed Band Figgie, followed Lili at the lecturn and band leader Aaron O’Blivion had this to say, “Needless to say we are shocked and humbled by our award for Best Developed Band.  We’d like to thank all who voted as well as the amazing pool of talented bands in the category, especially Lips Laced With Cyanide who we thought were shoe-ins for the award.  More importantly, our hearts go out to the fans who have bought our albums and sweated their way through our live shows.  We do it all for you.  This award has stoked the band’s fire and we will return darker and harder than ever with our new album.  Now it’s off to celebrate at the post-parties!”

And celebrate we did!  First stop, a private soiree at Club Doublewide thrown by rap collective 2TBUs.  While party guests dined on organic pork rinds and sipped moonshine martini’s, I caught up with The Professors of Hip and Hop themselves,  The professors had just taken home the award for Single of the Year for their ultimate summer jam “Riding Expeditiously in My Profligate Vehicle” and they were clearly enjoying the spoils of the win as they chatted up the members of Rhyan Jewl.

Next stop was the official Figment Awards party where I ran into the design team of Scarletto and Poppinfresh who were admiring their brand new Figgie for “Album Cover of the Year”, for their work on The Bleatles “Abbey Fold” cover.  When asked for a quote they raised their champagne glasses and said “We are thrilled by this award and are especially honored because our cover was chosen by our peers as Album Cover of the Year.  Many thanks to everyone who voted for Abbey Fold and to all the Bleatles fans!”  As they clinked glasses with John Lanolin and Poll McCardigan of The Bleatles they all broke into an impromptu chorus of “Here Comes the Cud.”

After quite a bit of bubbly I finally caught up with Sweaters in June frontman tonyash and asked him what the story was behind his band’s name.  He thought for a minute while I admired his Figgie for “Best Band Name” and then replied “I was once a young lost soul who trudged through life wearing shorts and ball caps, until one day I met Michael Trikoff who became my mentor.  One warm summer afternoon Michael came to me wearing a sweater.  I asked him “Michael, why are you wearing this sweater in June?  Are you cold?”  Michael responded, “Cold is the soul broken in sorrow.  I shall wear my sweaters in June until my tears stop numbing my soul.”  Okay…

I finished the evening off by grabbing a ride with Dewett Clintock, fresh from his latest stint in jail, to the after after party at the Pure Liquid Sky Bar.  Dewett didn’t seem the least bit bummed that his hit country single “Muddy Stall (In the Jobsite Bathroom of My Heart)” hadn’t won for Single of the Year, but he did say that he was glad that his parole came through so that he could attend the awards ceremony.  As he chatted with Rikki Snake of Pusher, the party kicked into high gear with a set of new songs by The Cosmic Stoners off their brand new release “A Fine Example of Urban Decay”Ramgoat Starr and members of Ernie joined the band for a rousing cover of “Gloria” and the evening was capped off (no pun intended) by Dewett being led away in handcuffs for violating the terms of his parole by firing a pistol in the air every time the band sang G-L-O-R-I-A.

As I staggered out of the club and handed the valet my ticket I couldn’t help but notice that not only was the sun coming up, but my valet was the guitarist for the band Pushmower.  When I asked him why he was working as a valet on the night his band won the award for “Best Band Tag Line”, he shrugged and said “No Habla Ingles”.

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